5 Powerful Truths That Will Transform Your Self-Awareness
Think You Know Yourself? Think Again
Self-awareness is essential for self-development.
When it’s impaired, it can seriously hinder your daily life, negatively impact your work, relationships and mental health.
When you are self-aware, it enables you to see your thoughts, feelings, and actions more clearly. It’s crucial for self-confidence and self-worth, as it provides a realistic picture of your skills and abilities.
But it’s not just about seeing yourself; it also helps you understand how other people see you.
We like to believe we’re self-aware, but research shows that over 80% of people dramatically overestimate their own level of self-awareness.
When I first read these findings, it shocked me…and it made me curious to dig deeper and find out why.
What I discovered is that there is more to self-awareness than mindfulness, meditation and journaling. It requires honesty, courage and self-compassion.
Here, I want to share with you what I found.
1. There are two kinds of self‑awareness
Thinking that self-awareness is a single skill is a mistake.
There are two distinct kinds; you need to develop both to be truly self-aware:
Internal Self-Awareness: Understanding your emotions, values, motivations, and reactions. It’s the classic “know thyself”.
External Self-Awareness: Understanding how others see you; your tone, presence and impact.
Here’s what most people miss. The two are often disconnected.
You might have a deep understanding of your inner world, yet be unaware of how others experience you.
For example, someone may value honesty (internal) but not realise they come across as harsh and blunt when they talk with others (external).
2. Blind spots…what blind spots?
Once you understand the two kinds of self-awareness, blind spots make more sense.
These are the hidden parts of yourself; obvious to others but invisible to you. They are like cracks in your self-awareness mirror—distorting what you see, even when you think you’re being objective.
The challenge is to accept them and see them as opportunities for learning.
Internal blind spots
Things you don’t see about your inner world: emotions, needs, habits, beliefs, stories, and body signals.
How they show up
You insist, ‘I’m fine’, while you clench your jaw and snap at people.
You keep ‘solving’ a problem with willpower, ignoring the emotion/need beneath it
You rationalise (‘I’m just thorough’) when it’s perfectionism driven by fear.
External blind spots
Things you don’t see about your impact on others: your tone, timing, body language, reliability, and how your ‘good intentions’ land.
How they show up
You think you’re “being direct”: others feel hurt and belittled.
You think you’re supportive: others feel micromanaged.
You add “just one more point”: others feel interrupted.
What helps you shrink the blind spots?
Curiosity. Reflection. Feedback.
Be curious about where your blind spots may be, and reflect on past experiences. Are there any patterns you can see?
When you reflect, use WHAT not WHY questions
When it comes to self-reflection, why questions can backfire. Instead of leading to insight, they can fuel overthinking, blame, or emotional spiralling.
What questions, like: “What triggered me?” or “What can I learn here?” are more effective for personal growth. They encourage clarity, not self-judgment.
Ask for feedback
It can be hard, but ask for feedback from people you respect. Choose who, when, and how. Focus on one area at a time, take your time.
Give yourself space to process what you learn before responding. Take on board what is helpful, let go of the rest.
3. Your body can switch off your self‑awareness
We often treat self-awareness as a mental activity. But it’s deeply rooted in the body.
Self-awareness is connected to your nervous system regulation.
Polyvagal theory is a way of understanding how your nervous system responds to the world. Think of it like a traffic light inside you that changes based on how safe or unsafe you feel.
It explains that the autonomic nervous system (ANS) shifts between three core states that shape your moment-to-moment awareness:
Ventral vagal (green): calm, connected, clear-minded.
Sympathetic (amber): fight/flight mode; reactive, urgent, narrow focus.
Dorsal vagal (red): shut down, frozen, numb.
When your nervous system feels safe, you’re in the green zone: calm, open, and self-aware. This is when you’re most able to reflect and respond thoughtfully.
In the amber state, stress hijacks your thinking. You fall back into old habits.
In the red state, awareness collapses, and you disconnect from emotion and insight.
If you want to know yourself, you must pay attention to the signals in your body that tell you when you’re shifting out of balance.
Clenched fists, a knot twisting in your gut, heart pounding, racing thoughts, breathlessness. These all indicate you are entering the amber zone.
If you find yourself feeling numb, empty, disconnected or if everything feels too much, that is a sign you are going into the red state.
There are many techniques to help you shift back from the amber and red states to green, such as resourcing, orienting and breathwork. I will cover these in future posts.
4. True self‑awareness is about seeing all of you
Let’s be honest, self‑awareness can be painful. This is why self-compassion is key. If you are harsh and judgmental of yourself, you are self-sabotaging.
Self-awareness is like viewing through a camera lens. Too zoomed in and you obsess over flaws; too zoomed out and you miss the details. You find clarity with the right focus.
Real self-awareness has balance. It includes your strengths, values and growth, not just a focus on your mistakes. It lets you see where you missed the mark and where you did well.
I used to be a trainer, and I often found myself obsessing over the one slide I messed up (usually when nobody else noticed!). Or, I would overreact to constructive criticism, and it would make me lose sight of the bigger picture of all the positive feedback I got.
With deeper self-awareness, I could’ve held those experiences in context, not as judgments of my worth, but as insights for growth.
Self-compassion is not easy; it requires patience, forgiveness and time. In a future post, I’ll explore some practical tips to develop it.
5. Self‑awareness is a skill you can train
Here’s the good news: self‑awareness isn’t fixed. The self-awareness muscle is trainable.
The more you reflect, tune into your body, and seek honest feedback, the deeper your awareness becomes.
The GBR tool to help you ground, reflect and respond
One of the most effective ways to build self-awareness in stressful moments is to break the habit of reacting without thinking.
The GBR tool is like an emotional handbrake; it stops you mid-reaction, allowing you to pause and respond.
Try this when you are stressed:
Ground yourself: feel both your feet on the floor.
Breathe in and slowly exhale: pause and ask yourself, ‘What’s true here?’
Respond.
You’re human, you won’t manage it every time. With persistence, this will help you develop a deeper connection with your body, breath, and self-awareness.
The power of seeing clearly
Developing self-awareness requires patience and time. It will always be a work in progress. Like any meaningful skill, self-awareness grows with attention and repetition.
It is an investment in yourself.
Want to take this to the next level and explore your self-awareness more deeply? I would love to hear from you.