Learning to Live at the Edge of What Feels Safe
Discover your growth zone one step at a time
There I was, standing in front of 200 people.
My first major project at a new job. No public speaking experience.
Cheeks burning. Heart pounding. Sweat dripping.
As I opened my mouth, my mind went blank, on the edge of meltdown. I wanted to be anywhere else but there in that moment. Somehow, I stumbled through. Tripping over my words, speaking too fast, pausing in all the wrong places. It was hell, but I made it.
From that day on, I made a vow: I would find a better way to manage stress, to grow in confidence and stretch my boundaries.
It took years, but I did it. And now, I want to share what I’ve discovered with you.
The fix isn’t forcing yourself
Here’s the secret: sustainable growth doesn’t come from pushing yourself off a cliff. It comes from gently stretching your comfort zone bit by bit.
You take a small step. Return to calm. Then take another. That’s how your nervous system learns and grows.
This is eustress: the healthy kind of stress. Literally, “good stress.”
It feels like:
Nervous energy
A pounding heart
Racing thoughts
But the difference lies in how you interpret those sensations.
Stress is personal
You might love rollercoasters. Or hate them. Same ride, different response.
Psychologist Alia Crum found that how you think about stress changes how your body reacts to it. People who learn to see stress as helpful perform better and stay healthier.
In other words, stress isn’t the enemy; your mindset about it is.
The “slightly uncomfortable” zone
You’ve heard it before: Get out of your comfort zone. But that advice is lacking psychological know-how.
Growth doesn’t happen when you go into stress overdrive. It takes place in the zone just beyond comfort, not past your limits.
The Goldilocks rule of stress
Over 100 years ago, psychologists Yerkes and Dodson found that stress can boost performance, but only up to a certain point.
Beyond that, things fall apart. This is known as the Yerkes-Dodson Law.
It’s the same principle behind classic tales like Icarus flying too close to the sun, the Three Little Pigs and of course, Goldilocks:
Too little stress? Bored. Disengaged. (Cold porridge.)
Too much stress? Overwhelmed. Frozen. (Hot porridge.)
Just the right amount? You grow. You thrive. (Ahh... just right.)
Communication coach TJ Guttormsen calls this ideal stress eustress, the growth zone. It’s where you’re challenged but not crushed.
Comfort Zone: “This is easy.” Calm. Regulated. Predictable. But too much comfort can lead to stagnation.
Growth Zone (Eustress): “This feels exciting… and scary.” Lightly activated. Still grounded. This zone fuels motivation, creativity, and learning.
Panic Zone: “I can’t handle this.” Overwhelmed. Fight/flight/freeze. The brain shuts down. No growth, just survival.
Growth needs the right dose
Growth happens when the challenge is meaningful but not paralysing.
Back to my story. Instead of jumping straight into a full-blown presentation, I could’ve rehearsed with friends. Asked for feedback. Then I would have felt more prepared and more confident.
Another example: Fear of visibility
You hate being on camera.
Comfort Zone: Camera off. You stay silent.
Growth Zone: Camera on. You ask a prepared question.
Panic Zone: You are ‘volunteered’ to lead the next meeting.
Too much, too fast, and you shut down. Just enough, and you stretch.
Before you stretch, ground yourself
Here’s a quick tip: before doing anything uncomfortable:
Pause.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Breathe. Lengthen and soften your exhale.
Then act
This grounds your nervous system.
How to build your growth capacity
Each time you stretch your edge, your nervous system adapts. It’s called stress inoculation.
Like building muscle, you expose yourself to small challenges, again and again. Eventually, what once pushed you into panic becomes easier and more manageable.
Start small.
Your 6-step stretch routine
Next time you feel the butterflies, try this:
1. Spot your edge: What excites you and scares you a little?
2. Shrink the goal: Find the micro-version. Take a 10% stretch—not a 100% leap.
3. Anchor in safety: Breathe. Ground yourself. Remind yourself: “I can pause if I need to.”
4. Take the step: Hit send. Speak up. Book the thing.
5. Reflect: How do you feel? What thoughts came up? Capture your progress.
6. Repeat: Small steps, consistently, expand your world.
Final thoughts
“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” —Thomas Jefferson
Growth lives just beyond the comfort zone in that slightly scary but safe space.
Achievable, sustainable growth.
So, now ask yourself: what’s one small, slightly uncomfortable step I can take today to expand my world?
Lean into it.
Then, let me know what you find.